while coping with your absence, i realised i have lost myself along the way. i realised the state of pretense i've been in. my smiles, my laughter, at times they are genuine but then... there are times when i have to put it on, like a mask.
i notice i dont make friends as easily as it used to be. i noticed i withdrew myself when my colleagues started talking about their kids. i noticed i tend to keep to myself a lot more. i dont go into parenting related threads in any forums anymore. simply because i felt stupid. all those people are talking about their kids, milestone, planning where to go, what to do over the weekend, what they bought for their kids. While i cant take you anywhere, the only thing i can buy for you are only flowers, and i felt i didnt belong in that group of friends anymore.
i sometimes walk around with an empty look in my eyes, coz i felt empty. and i wonder if people in the office thought i am a weirdo or something along the line.
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