Heartbeat

Dear Maryam,

My love

My baby cantik

My sayang

My chenta hati

My everything

but on top of that and most importantly

My Angel

people say you are not here. you are in heaven and you will be at the heaven's gate, waiting for me when my time is up. taking my hands and leading me to an eternal place where we can reunite again.

I dont buy that. I believe you are with me. I believe you are everywhere. In my heart, by my side, in Khalil's eyes, in Yasmin's smile, in my dreams........

But last night Abam said he can feel you in his heart. He can feel you touching his neck. Abam is actually referring to his heartbeat (and the pulse on his neck). He believes that his heartbeat is you. He believes that you are talking to him everytime his heart beats. He must be missing you so much. So much.

Last week Abam said he had a dream. Then he told me about it:

Abam: Last night i dream all of us went to see Baby Maryam
Mama: What was Maryam doing?
Abam: I donno
Mama: So did we meet baby Maryam or not?
Abam: NO! We went to her house laaaa.... and she stayed inside only....

i love you, but never enough............