The first year

Dear Maryam,

I just realised that the first year without you will be the hardest as there will be a lot of 'first'

my first birthday without you

the first puasa without you

the first raya without you

your first birthday without you

and eventually it will come to the anniversary of your departure

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As I walk this journey of a bereaved parent, I notice that my whole world changed. My beliefs aren't the same. My priorities aren't the same and my future is changed forever. My whole life has been shattered, and I didn't know where to begin to pick up the pieces or if I even had the will to pick up the pieces.

Everyone around me, even though very attentive to me, continued functioning in their lives. I didn't know where I fit in any more. I was alone, trying to figure out what happened in that split second when they told me Maryam was gone